The Best Men Can Be: Reflecting on the Infamous Gillette Ad

On January 13th 2019, Gillette released its already famous commercial, “The Best Men Can Be,” which garnered an immediate and emphatic backlash. The commercial juxtaposed men engaging in bullying behaviors with men performing acts of decency. The nerve the ad hit is prominently on display, if you go to Twitter #BoycottGillette. Here’s a typical example: […]

Learning to Live a Non-Violent Life

I have a saying. In adulthood, we tend to hold ourselves the way we were held. We internalize what came at us and now we throw it at ourselves. If you were indulged, you’ll make excuses; if you were treated harshly, you’ll be unkind to yourself. Sometimes, what’s key is not so much a replay […]

When to End a Relationship

Like most therapists, I love it when couples step into new beginnings. Watching a partner move into accountability for the first time, become vulnerable as never before, or demonstrate empathy where there’d been none—such moments make my day. But what about couples who’ve run out of new beginnings? If beginnings bring me delight, do endings […]

Working with Difficult Men: Where’s the Leverage for Change?

“It used to be a man could tell what to do,” says George, who’s in his mid-50s, a Boston expat now living with his wife, Michele, in her home state of Texas. In jeans and a work shirt, he looks the part of an ordinary American Joe.  “Go to work,” George ticks off.  “Hold a […]

10 Commandments of Time Outs in a Relationship

The best defense against verbal abuse is a formal time-out. When either partner calls a time-out – by saying the words, “time-out,” by using the “T“ hand signal, or by using any agreed-upon sign – the interaction comes to an immediate stop.  The spoken or gestured signal is understood by both partners to be an […]

How to Work With ‘Carried Feelings’

In this blog, I share with you different ways to work with Carried Feelings. Sometimes as therapists, working with past trauma and shame can be a heavy, but lifting process. Pull the Shame Up In working with carried feelings, you can have the person literally in their mind’s eye, scoop up the shame out of […]