A 5-month journey back to closeness with leading couples therapist Terry Real 

Back to Us: A Deep Dive Into Relational Skills to Reignite Your Relationship

Master the sophisticated skills to help you reconnect to your partner, build intimacy, and keep the spark alive for a lifelong romance.

Does It Feel Like the Spark’s Gone Out in Your Relationship?

Your partner was once the closest person to you in the world. The thought of them instantly made you smile, gave you butterflies in your stomach, filled you with excitement, love, desire, hope…

But somewhere along the way, the smile faded and the butterflies disappeared…

And it’s left you wondering if that’s just the way things are meant to be… or if you can recapture the magic?

Perhaps you feel it’s make or break. You and your partner are barely communicating: where you used to talk for hours about anything and everything, there’s now a blistering silence.

Or maybe you argue over every. little. thing. Even the most minor disagreement has the potential to erupt into a full-blown row… so you walk on eggshells, afraid you’ll set the other off at any moment.

Or it could be that you’re doing okay right now, but you want to be a little closer, a little better at communicating, and navigating conflict when it comes up.

Whether you feel like your relationship is on the brink, or you want to improve how you’re relating to keep things on track, the good news is you can make it happen.

You can enjoy a lifelong partnership that is beautifully fulfilling, deeply connected, and fiercely intimate. You deserve that, and—more importantly—you can have it…

You just need to learn how…

Introducing Your Path Back to Us

Your 5-Month Journey to Rediscover Deep Intimacy & Passionate Connection

Back to Us is the first-of-its-kind live, interactive program from one of the world’s most renowned couples therapists, Terry Real.

This is a unique opportunity to work directly with Terry on a transformative 5-month journey. You’ll be able to ask him questions and dive deep into the powerful relational skills that hold the potential to help you repair your relationship.

Over ten live online workshops with Terry and a supportive group of other couples facing similar challenges, you will experience benefits akin to couples therapy from the comfort of your home. You’ll learn a whole new way of relating to your partner—from how to identify and articulate your feelings to teaching them how to come through for you.

Waiting lists for top couples therapists like Terry are long. Couples can wait months, years even, to access the help they need. That’s why Terry created this program, so you don’t have to wait…

When you embark on your journey Back to Us, you will unlock the expert guidance, accountability, and proven roadmap that’s helped thousands of couples pull back from the brink of collapse, rebuild intimacy, and learn the skills to sustain it for life.

How Does Back to Us Work?

The program is made up of ten 90-minute live workshops via Zoom with Terry Real and a supportive group of couples facing similar challenges.

Each workshop will focus on a different relational skill rooted in Terry’s highly-effective approach to couples therapy, Relational Life Therapy (RLT). These skills have successfully helped thousands of couples find their way back to love, connection, and intimacy.

Terry will take your questions and provide advice and guidance specific to your situation. While full-length therapy sessions won’t be available, sometimes the questions will lead to smaller sections of on-the-spot therapy.

On occasion, Terry may give you exercises to work on during the workshops or between them to help you fully grasp the relational skills and feel comfortable applying them.

The full calendar of dates is below:

From 12pm to 1:30pm ET 

Tuesday, November 8, 2022
Tuesday, November 15, 2022
Tuesday, November 29, 2022
Tuesday, December 13, 2022
Tuesday, January 10, 2023
Tuesday, February 7, 2023
Tuesday, February 14, 2023
Tuesday, February 28, 2023
Tuesday, March 14, 2023
Tuesday, March 28, 2023

(Don’t worry if you can’t make every date, you can still sign up and watch the recordings back at a time that suits you.)

What You’ll Learn

Inside Back to Us: 10 LIVE Workshops With Terry Real

1

Workshop 1: Relational Mindfulness

Shifting From Your Adaptive Child to Wise Adult When Trauma-triggered

  • The art of “remembering love”—recalling that the person you’re speaking to is someone you care about and that the reason why you’re speaking is to make things better.
  • Shifting from reactive to responsive

2

Workshop 2: Identifying Your Desires and Articulating Your Feelings

Neither Men nor Women Have “Voice” in Their Relationships

Busting These Myths…

  • A “good woman” should put her needs second to the needs of others
  • A “strong man” has no emotional needs anyway

And Instead Learning To…

  • Identify and articulate your feelings
  • Distinguish between wants and needs
  • Know how and when to share (and when not)

3

Workshop 3: The Art of Soft (Loving) Power

How To Stand Up for Yourself and Cherish Your Partner in the Same Breath

  • How our individualistic society limits us: under patriarchy, you can either be connected or powerful, but you can’t be both at the same time 
  • How to speak in a way that empowers both you and your partner 
  • Answering the question: “What do you need from me in order to help you come through for me?” 

4

Workshop 4: The 3 Phases of Getting What You Want in Relationships

Respectfully Communicating Your Needs

  • Phase 1: Daring to Rock the Boat
    Asking for what you want
  • Phase 2: Helping Them Win
    Teaching your partner how to be better
  • Phase 3: Making It Worth Their While
     Being encouraging, not discouraging

      5

      Workshop 5: Shifting From Complaint to Request

      Our Brains Are Negatively Biased: We Notice What’s Wrong

      • Every complaint has implicit within it a request
      • How to switch from “this is what you’ve done wrong” to “this is what you could do that would be right.”
      • Understanding: “You can express your negative feelings or you can work on the relationship, but you can’t do both at the same time.” 

          6

          Workshop 6: The Repair Process

          All Relationships Are An Endless Dance of Harmony, Disharmony, and Repair

            • The shift from disharmony to repair is where all the skills come in 
            • How to speak your truth with love
            • How to listen non-defensively and respond with savvy and generosity

              7

              Workshop 7: Transmission/
              Reception Work

              Once Partner A Gives Partner B What Partner A Has Been Asking For, Does Partner A Receive It?

              • It is easier and less vulnerable to complain than it is to open up and receive 
              • How to encourage rather than discourage your partner’s progress
              • Celebrating the glass 15 percent full
              • How to shift from attitude to gratitude 
              • Daring to take yes for an answer

                8

                Workshop 8: Crowd Control: Who Else Is in Your Marriage?

                Creating a “Boundary of Primacy” Around Your Relationship

                • The open secret: children eviscerate romance—getting kids out of your bedroom
                • Dealing with Family of Origin and in-laws: “Sorry mom, I’m married now.” 
                • Blended families: managing the crosscurrents 

                  9

                  Workshop 9: Sex, Sex, and More Sex

                  People Do in the Bedroom What They Do in Every Other Room—Identify Your Sexual Dynamic

                  • Working like a team in the bedroom—it is in your self-interest to be generous
                  • Identifying and owning your desires: what turns you on?
                  • Marriage and sex—we’re in this for the long game
                  • Can monogamy be hot?

                    10

                    Workshop 10: Intimacy Old and New

                    Polyamory, Open Marriage, and Other Experiments—Where Are We Heading?

                    • Leading men, women, and non-binary people into intimacy equals moving beyond patriarchy
                    • Loving: The New Frontier
                    • Beyond Heteronormative
                        • Same-sex loving partners, gender fluidity, and other variations
                    • The Intimate Marriage: Lovers for Life
                    • How to Sustain Passion and Connection Throughout the Lifecycle 
                        • Developing an attitude of gratitude 
                        • Getting more of what you want by cherishing what you already have
                    • Open mic: challenges, dilemmas, and opportunities—we’re all in this together

                    Here’s Everything You Get When You Join Back to Us Today

                    10 LIVE Online Workshops With Terry Real

                    Learn how to use essential relational skills to powerfully reconnect to your partner with direct guidance and teaching from one of the world’s top couples therapists. You’ll be able to ask Terry questions specific to your situation for tailored help, and the opportunity for on-the-spot therapy may present itself.

                    From 12pm to 1:30pm ET 

                    Tuesday, November 8, 2022
                    Tuesday, November 15, 2022
                    Tuesday, November 29, 2022
                    Tuesday, December 13, 2022
                    Tuesday, January 10, 2023
                    Tuesday, February 7, 2023
                    Tuesday, February 14, 2023
                    Tuesday, February 28, 2023
                    Tuesday, March 14, 2023
                    Tuesday, March 28, 2023

                    (Don’t worry if you can’t make every date, you can still sign up and watch the recordings back at a time that suits you.)

                    Lifetime Access to the Workshop Recordings

                    This is an intensive program, and there’s a lot to take in. That’s why you’ll receive lifetime access to all live workshop recordings (stored in the RLT Community Hub, for which you’ll receive a unique login) so you can refer back to them anytime. It’s the perfect resource to continuously build on and evolve your relational skills to help keep your relationship on track.

                      Lifetime A Supportive Community of Couples With Similar Challenges

                      It can feel incredibly isolating when you’re going through challenging periods in your relationship. But from the minute you join, you’ll no longer feel alone. You’ll receive instant access to the RLT Community Hub, where you can connect with other participants, get to know them, and support each other on this transformative journey.

                        A Note From Your Teacher, Terry Real

                        We have never wanted more from our relationships than we do right now.

                        In our parents’ and grandparents’ generations, if you got along and nobody drank too much or cheated too much, it was okay.

                        Nowadays, we want more.

                        We don’t just want to be companions; we want to be lifelong lovers.

                        We want to walk on the beach holding hands. We want to have heart-to-heart talks. We want to have great sex in our 60s and 70s and beyond

                        What we really want is a life-long romance.

                        This is historically brand new. No one has ever asked relationships to do this before, and we simply do not have the sophisticated set of skills that can deliver on this new worldly ambition. We need to master a relational technology that is skillful enough to make real the dream we’re all sharing these days of having a lifelong lover and relationship.

                        It’s not enough to want it: we need to know how to do it—and that’s what you’ll learn inside this program.

                        I am inviting you today on a rarefied path. I am inviting you to master a brand new, science-based relational technology. It takes learning, skill, and discipline to become artful in your relationship.

                        Make no mistake, this is not for the faint of heart. This is a demanding course of study. But here’s what it will get you: superlative relationships that leave the norms of this culture in the dust.

                        If you learn to be skilled and artful in your relationship, you have the possibility of a more intimate, closer, richer, more loving, and healthier relationship than you ever dreamed of. Not just for you and your partner but also for your children.

                        Warmly

                        About Terry Real

                        Terry Real, LICSW, is an internationally recognized couples and family therapist, speaker, and New York Times bestselling author. Terry founded the Relational Life Institute (RLI) to provide workshops for couples, individuals, and parents and a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his Relational Life Therapy (RLT) methodology.

                        As Seen On

                        Terry is the author of four books, including the recent New York Times bestseller, Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. His ideas on men’s issues and couple’s therapy have been celebrated in venues such as Good Morning America, The Today Show, Vogue, Forbes, 20/20, Oprah, and The New York Times.

                        A senior faculty member of the Family Institute of Cambridge in Massachusetts and a retired Clinical Fellow of the Meadows Institute in Arizona, Terry has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and fellow therapists.

                        Through his books, RLI, and workshops, Terry helps women, men, and non-binary people create the connection they desire in their relationships. With nearly forty years of clinical experience, Terry knows how to lead couples on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy and personal fulfillment.

                        Leading Figures on Terry Real

                        “When I need advice, I call Terry Real. His decades of clinical experience, research, and wisdom are invaluable to my patients, colleagues, and friends.”

                        Esther Perel

                        New York Times bestselling author and podcast host of Where Should We Begin

                        "Real’s approach teaches us how to step outside of the culture of individualism and embrace our interconnectedness. We can use it to heal a single relationship and to shift our collective culture."

                        Gwyneth Paltrow

                        founder and CEO of goop

                        "Terry Real’s work is nothing short of miraculous… His work has quite simply changed my life. Read this book. It could well change yours."

                        Bradley Cooper

                        actor and filmmaker

                        "Terry helps reawaken couples who seem trapped in a long-term stalemate and allows them to move toward growth and fuller Selfhood."

                        Richard Schwartz

                        originator of Internal Family Systems

                        "Falling in love is easy, staying in love is another matter. Couples yearning for more closeness are truly in uncharted territory . . . until now, that is. Terry offers amazing new insights about men and women and what it takes to make relationships work in our ever-changing culture."

                        Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW

                        author of Divorce Busting

                        "If you’re tired of the same old dance, get ready to learn a few new steps—real steps—the ones that will make a difference in your life and the lives of those you love."

                        Cheryl Richardson

                        author of Life Makeovers

                        How Terry Has Helped Other Couples

                        “Terry Real’s Boot Camp was life-changing for me and my husband. We’ve been together 30+ years so it’d be fair to wonder what would we possibly have to work on. My love-avoidant, grandiose man said this shifted our relationship to a deeper, more loving level; his love-dependent, grandiose wife agrees. The Boot Camp weekend opened up new ways to talk, to see ourselves and to love each other.”

                        — Sarah P, Portland, OR

                        “Thank you for introducing me to  the real Laurence , and for introducing him to himself. I am happier in our relationship then I have been in many many years. I use the strategies you taught us with Laurence as well as with my siblings and friends.They work !If we never found someone willing to be straight and honest we would not be together , that much I know. Your honesty about Laurence allowed me to stand down. Now that I am able to stand down I am able to try to be the person I want to be in this relationship.”

                        — Daniella S

                        “. . .the couples work that you do is so valuable — we are relating now in a wholly new and expansive way.  It’s what each of us knew we were missing but could not have found on our own.  Thank you so much!”

                        — Tod, Boston, MA

                        “After completing the Skills Workshop, we went home and spent an evening relaying everything we could recall with some dear friends. To this day – two years later – they still maintain that sharing our experience with them literally saved their marriage.”

                        — Lyn and David L.

                        Now it’s your turn…

                        You Can Have The Deeply Connected, Loving Relationship of Your Dreams

                        Imagine…

                        Knowing exactly what you need in your relationship and feeling comfortable communicating that to your partner, so they can show up for you. (No more stewing in silent resentment because they didn’t respond the way you hoped they would.)

                        Being able to override your knee-jerk reactions in even the most heated moments to navigate conflict constructively and come to a resolution.

                        Feeling confident in how to effectively use the time you have together, just the two of you, to nurture your connection and sustain intimacy.

                        What a relief it will be to feel supported and listen to each other without getting defensive as you learn to work as a team. (No more you vs. them, instead, it’ll be the two of you together vs. the problem).

                        With commitment, conscious effort, and practice, you can learn the skills to create and sustain the loving, connected, and supportive relationship you yearn for.

                        Join us for this transformative journey to master the powerful relational skills you need to make it a reality.

                        Join the Back to Us Waitlist

                        Name

                        The price is the same whether you join as a couple or individually.
                        Choose the single payment option or easy payment plan.

                        Frequently Asked Questions

                        Q

                        When are the live workshops?

                        A

                        The live workshops take place over Zoom from 12pm to 1:30pm ET on the following dates:

                        Tuesday, November 8, 2022
                        Tuesday, November 15, 2022
                        Tuesday, November 29, 2022
                        Tuesday, December 13, 2022
                        Tuesday, January 10, 2023
                        Tuesday, February 7, 2023
                        Tuesday, February 14, 2023
                        Tuesday, February 28, 2023
                        Tuesday, March 14, 2023
                        Tuesday, March 28, 2023

                        Q

                        What if I can’t make all of the workshop dates?

                        A

                        We encourage you to join live for as many calls as possible, but each will be recorded and stored in the RLT Community Hub for you to watch at your convenience. You will receive login details and instructions on how to access the Hub once you join.

                        Q

                        Is the whole program online?

                        A

                        Yes, the live workshops will all take place via Zoom.

                        Q

                        How do I access the program?

                        A

                        Each call will take place on Zoom. You will receive your Zoom call link via email (it will also be inside the RLT Community Hub, our dedicated learning platform).

                        Q

                        Will Back to Us save my relationship?

                        A

                        There are no certainties, but Back to Us contains the guidance, accountability, and powerful relational skills that can help you and your partner reconnect, nurture your relationship, and move forward together.

                        Terry Real is a highly sought-after couples therapist with a reputation for saving couples on the brink of divorce—couples other therapists have struggled to help. The skills, exercises, and techniques in this program are rooted in Terry’s revolutionary approach to couples therapy, Relational Life Therapy (RLT), which has helped thousands of couples repair their relationships and enjoy a connected, fulfilling partnership.

                        Q

                        I’m not in a relationship right now, can I still join?

                        A

                        Yes—relational skills are relational skills. As well as romantic relationships, these skills apply to your relationship with yourself, friendships, family, and coworkers. If you’re single, dating, and looking to enjoy more fulfilling relationships, these skills will prove immensely beneficial.

                        Q

                        I’m not sure my partner will be interested, can I join on my own?

                        A

                        Yes—we understand that not everyone is in a position to join together. By joining alone, you will gain insight into how you are showing up in your relationship and receive the support you need to begin changing how you relate to your partner, which can positively impact how they respond to you.

                        If you aren’t sure whether your partner will want to join, you have the option to let us know when you sign up, and Terry will send you specific advice on how you might get them onboard.

                        Q

                        Do we have to share with the group?

                        A

                        No—you don’t have to share anything you don’t feel comfortable with. You’ll find that many other couples are experiencing similar challenges, so you can learn a lot from their questions and experiences.

                        Q

                        We’re not in a heteronormative relationship, is this program for us?

                        A

                        Yes—everyone is welcome. Whatever your sexuality, gender identity, or relationship status: relational skills are relational skills and they apply to all relationships.

                        Q

                        Will I receive therapy from Terry Real as part of the program?

                        A

                        Full-length therapy sessions are not included in the program. However, the opportunity for some on-the-spot therapy with Terry as part of the workshops may reveal itself. There is much to gain from working closely with Terry over an extended period—with the opportunity to ask him questions—so you can truly master the relational skills that will help you nurture your relationship for life.

                        Q

                        Will I be able to ask Terry questions?

                        A

                        Yes—each workshop will have space for Q&A where you can directly ask Terry questions and receive guidance specific to your situation.

                        Q

                        What’s expected of me when I join?

                        A

                        All we ask is that you are committed to doing the work. This program will take you deep into a new way of relating that is unfamiliar to most of us. If you show up wholly committed to putting in the effort to learn and practice the skills Terry will share with you, Terry will show up for you with the powerful learnings and exercises to help you reclaim the love, connection, and trust you and your partner deserve.

                        Q

                        What is Relational Life Therapy (RLT)?

                        A

                        Relational Life Therapy (RLT) is Terry Real’s radical approach to couples therapy that breaks many of the rules of traditional couples therapy. Notably, RLT emphasizes the importance of couples learning the ongoing skills they need to nurture and cherish their relationship long after their time in therapy is over. It’s these essential skills you will master in Back to Us to help you reignite your relationship and keep the spark alive for life.

                        Q

                        I have some more questions. Who do I speak to?

                        A

                        Please reach out to Lisa Sullivan at lisa@relationallife.com. Lisa has worked with Terry for over 20 years and will be able to help you with any additional questions you may have.